Well sometime within the next 30 days I will be giving birth to my son.  This has been the most stressful 9 months of my life.  Most women get to worry about having the baby, affording the baby, complications with the pregnancy, or being a single mother.  These past 8 months have been a continuous battle to try to keep my boyfriend out of jail, trying to figure out where in the hell we are going to live come April, and trying to find at least one of us a job.

I know my boyfriend will be in jail here shortly, and yes that's not a huge deal to some women.  However, in my case I know absolutely nothing about babies.  I have been trying to read as much as I can and learn as much as I can, but I can't help feeling like I still know nothing.  My boyfriend on the other hand loves kids.  He's the baby expert.  The thing that kills me is he keeps bitching and moaning all the time about going to jail, and missing the baby being born.  Don't you think that if there was something that means that much you would do everything in your willpower to stop it.  I feel like so much more could have been done.

I don't think he realizes how much stress and pressure all this shit has put on me these past months.  I almost just want to shake the shit out of him, and yell "He's coming whether you are here or not".  I never thought in a million years that I would be in these circumstances right now, but who really does when you wind up in a situation like this?

Well tomorrow Josh is supposed to go pay $100.  We have $40, and the court house is an hour away.  Plus, we have no gas in the car considering we used it all to get him to and from his probation and work program, which are also both an hour drive one way.  Oh, and I have to go to the doctors... Lord help us.

So I updated my signature.  This new and improved sig looks great.  I'm satisfied with this one so there wont be any changes until I decide to change my layout.  Hope ya'll like it.  I do!!!

Well the baby shower is in 3 more days.  I'm so anxious it crazy I wish it was tomorrow!  It would be nice if I could just sleep for 3 days so it will get here faster for me lol!  I can't wait to see what we get.  I have been checking our baby registry about twice daily to see if anything new is bought.  A lot of people are shopping else where though, so there is going to be a lot of surprises.  I did my nails yesterday for the shower.  I can't afford to go get them done, but I had some acrylic and tons of nail polish so I attempted the acrylic on myself and painted on a spiffy design.  It's not the same as getting them done, but hey, it's better than nothing.  Tomorrow I plan on putting some highlights in my hair.  I found a highlighting kit laying around that I must have bought before I lost my job.  Nifty how things pop up at the right time.  Whelp, I'll probably post another million posts in the next 2 days to try to past the time.

Yesterday was one hell of a day.  Our cat that we had since I was in 8th grade pasted away.  He had been sick for about a week my mom and dad took him to the vet, and he was put on a bunch of medicine.  He had Crystals in his urine that clogged up his urethra.  So, he couldn't pee, and all of it was trapped in his bladder.  We believe the urine backed up into his kidney and his kidney failed.

As if that wasn't bad enough, my parents have been battling with the mortgage company for about 8 months now, ever since my mom lost her job, trying to save their house from going into foreclosure.  We after my mom came home and I told her the news about the cat, she checked the mail and they received a letter from the mortgage company.  The letter stated that their house is now in foreclosure, and if they would like to keep the house they need to pay the remainder of their mortgage, which is around 70,000 dollars.


That means that me and josh will now have to find another place to live or move again with my parents where ever they end up moving to.  This will be the 5th time in the last year that Josh and I had to move.  We were kicked out of 4 other houses/apartments this year, because we could no longer pay rent.  We are both out of work right now.  I lost my job in October of last year, and Josh has went threw hell trying to find a steady job.  He does odd jobs here and there, but you cannot always count on them when you really need them.

I really do feel horrible, and I try to keep my cool.  Still after all we have been through I feel so bad for the child we are going to bring into this world.  He is not going to be able to have nice things, fancy birthday parties, and god knows if we are even going to have a steady place to raise him.  The way we have been in and out of places it's ridiculous.  One can only hope and pray that one of the million applications we put in will actually give one of us a chance.  Shit, I would be exciting if McDonalds would give us a call back.

Oh yeah, and that news isn't the end neither.  My mom's friend from school also passed away.  Yeah, when it rains it pours, I guess.  All we can do is hold on for dear life, and pray that another day will be brighter.

For all who doesn't know I am 30 weeks pregnant now with my first child.  We found out it's a boy, which made us both super excited since we both wanted boy.  Well, the story starts, we had to do a bunch of running around to do a couple days ago.  Josh's mom had to take us everywhere because our car has been broke down for 3 months now, and no-one can figure out what's wrong with it.  A little background info on my car... it's a P.O.S.  I had it since I was 16, and could never afford to get a better one so I'm kind-of to the point where I am use to the frequent brake downs and becoming stranded in the middle of no-where.  It has now become second nature to me.

Anyways, back on topic, josh's mom had to run us around all day, because my crappy car is, well, crappy. We had to drop Josh off somewhere and we had some time so we ran over to his mom's house so she could show me some stuff for our (Josh's and my) baby shower.  (Like the decor and what not, she is throwing us the baby shower.)

Well, I absolutely love animals so I decided that I wanted to do a Jungle Theme for the baby's room, and for the baby shower.  So she picked out the colors blue and green, and she found a bunch of super cute jungle themed plates, streamers, and a bunch of other cool stuff that matched the colors and theme perfectly.  That made me super excited, because I just love it when things match.  I mean I  L.O.V.E. it!

I also found out that 40 people R.S.V.P.-ed already, which is amazing.  I am soooooo excited.  Josh and I really don't have money at all what-so-ever.  So, I was completely siked when I heard that 40 people are coming, because what they get the baby for presents is what the baby is going to have.  It is really hard and scary to be having a child when you are completely poor, and god knows that this wasn't planned.  I am so thankful though that we have the help and support from our families.  Although, our families don't help us with a lot, at least they came together to help us with this.  I simply don't know what we would do without them.

Baby Jayden @ 18 Weeks <3 

Well I just created and added my first signature.  Wahhooo!  For all of you that don't know me it'll probably change 2 more times before I am completely satisfied with it.  When that's all said and done I get to make one that matches Color Drain as well.  :-)  I'm super anal about how everything looks on there.  I can't tell you how much time I spend changing and adjusting the look.  There is still a few things I can think of right now that is bothering me about it, lol.

I decided to start a personal blog.  I started my first blog about 2 months ago.  My first blog is called Color Drain.  Color Drain offers a bunch of free stuff for people and designers (like color palettes, wedding palettes, and blogger backgrounds).  It's coming along slowly but surely.  I really enjoy working on it, but I kind of wanted a space where I can post whatever I want.  So, that's why I'm here... to rant, share, and post away when I have some free time from Color Drain.