The Time Has Come

Well sometime within the next 30 days I will be giving birth to my son.  This has been the most stressful 9 months of my life.  Most women get to worry about having the baby, affording the baby, complications with the pregnancy, or being a single mother.  These past 8 months have been a continuous battle to try to keep my boyfriend out of jail, trying to figure out where in the hell we are going to live come April, and trying to find at least one of us a job.

I know my boyfriend will be in jail here shortly, and yes that's not a huge deal to some women.  However, in my case I know absolutely nothing about babies.  I have been trying to read as much as I can and learn as much as I can, but I can't help feeling like I still know nothing.  My boyfriend on the other hand loves kids.  He's the baby expert.  The thing that kills me is he keeps bitching and moaning all the time about going to jail, and missing the baby being born.  Don't you think that if there was something that means that much you would do everything in your willpower to stop it.  I feel like so much more could have been done.

I don't think he realizes how much stress and pressure all this shit has put on me these past months.  I almost just want to shake the shit out of him, and yell "He's coming whether you are here or not".  I never thought in a million years that I would be in these circumstances right now, but who really does when you wind up in a situation like this?

Well tomorrow Josh is supposed to go pay $100.  We have $40, and the court house is an hour away.  Plus, we have no gas in the car considering we used it all to get him to and from his probation and work program, which are also both an hour drive one way.  Oh, and I have to go to the doctors... Lord help us.